Everyone knows about pizza. And everyone has had different experiences with pizza, both good and bad. So here is how I explain baseball to the novice, via pizzametrics:
A baseball team, like a pizza, can be divided into sections or slices. The whole pie is symbolic of the whole team. The hidden parts like the tomato sauce is team clubhouse chemistry. The outer crust would be the managers and coaches who hold the team slices together.
Each team can be divided into starters and non-starters. Every team has to play 9 players at a time; and depending on how you look at it, four slices or half the team performance is at stake. If each starter is a slice of pepperoni, people understand that those slices could be bigger, smaller, burned or greasy depending on the oven. A good team probably has three quality starters so that is one reliable slice of the pie. Each position player is assigned to another slice: "strong up the middle" is a philosophy of having good defenders at catcher, short and second base. The outfielders could be herded on one slice. And your traditional "power corners" of first and third base is the last starting slice. Each of the starting slices are sprinkled with green onions (which represents money) since these players are the highest paid on the team. Onions are both sweet and savory like winning performances. The last starting pitching piece is for the fourth and fifth starters, who are not the "best" starters on the team. Instead of onions, their slice has pepper flakes because these players tend to run hot and cold and give fans heartburn at times.
The other players on the team are represented by sausage because in some respects, bench and bullpen players can be grisly veterans who have lost their starting jobs. Depending on the quality of the meat, you can get some good flavor from bullpen and bench players. For example, the best pieces would be in the end of the bullpen slice: where the 7th, 8th inning and closer reside. These are the relief pitchers who are specialized to end games; and who doesn't like to savor the last piece of pizza?
The other bullpen slice is usually made up of failed starters converted to long relievers or fringe minor league journeymen who can possibly eat up innings in case of blow-out games. You don't expect too much from this slice; and as the graphic shows, the edge may be more burned than the rest of the pie.
The non-starter fielders are clustered into one final slice. They are subs. Many teams now have filled their benches with utility players, guys who can play multiple positions. That does not mean that they are any better at playing the game than just a second first baseman. Since they are not starters, they tend to perform worse than the starters (hence, the burned edges like the long relievers in the pen). So they are paired with the pepper spice. However, the stronger the bench or bullpen, the better the overall team will perform.
A good, competitive team may have six slices of the pie that are perfect.
A good team may have three slices of the pie that are acceptable.
A bad team may have six slices that are burned or undercooked or otherwise unacceptable.
By using the slice method to deconstruct your team, you can easily understand what is causing the bad taste in your mouth after a long losing streak. Pizzametrics is one way to digest your baseball!
